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I know that there are many people listening to this podcast right now who truly and sincerely want to get married, but can't find the right person. They've done the usual things – they've tried the apps, they've tried going to church, they've asked their friends to set them up. These strategies aren't futile – we all know plenty of people who met their spouses in this way – but they're not a guarantee, either.

If we've learnt anything from the social experiment of the sexual revolution, it's that matchmaking is a difficult coordination problem. Earlier this year, I interviewed Christiana Maxion, a professional matchmaker who takes a very intuitive approach to her work. Today, I'm joined by someone who comes at the problem in a very different way.

Geoffrey Miller is an evolutionary psychologist, an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of New Mexico, and the author of books including 'The Mating Mind' (2001) and 'Mating Intelligence' (2008). He's also the Chief Science Advisor to a dating platform that claims to be able to match people based on A.I. analysis of reams of data. Things like IQ tests, personality tests, and demographic factors like age and socioeconomic status. Geoffrey believes that this non-intuitive approach to matchmaking is the way to bring happy couples together.

Today we speak about the science, and also the issue of expectations. What is it reasonable to want in a spouse? How can single people set themselves up to win in the marriage market? And what role should we give to other people – parents or siblings, for instance – in the process of matchmaking?

Discussed in the show:

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Could A.I. find you a spouse? Maiden Mother Matriarch 176

Maiden Mother Matriarch with Louise Perry